QChique Goes Walkabout

Mini Swiss Quiches

2009-12-30T11:27:00.001-06:00

INGREDIENTS
1 box (15 oz) Pillsbury® refrigerated pie crusts, softened as directed on box
1 1/2 cups shredded Swiss cheese (6 oz)
2 tablespoons sliced green onions (2 medium)
1 tablespoon chopped pimientos
2 eggs
1/2 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon salt
Dash ground nutmeg

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Spray 24 mini muffin cups with cooking spray.

2. Remove pie crusts from pouches; place flat on cutting board or pastry cloth. With 2 1/2-inch round cutter, cut 12 rounds from each crust. Press 1 pie crust round into bottom and up sides of each muffin cup.

3. Place 1 tablespoon cheese in each cup. Top each with a few onion slices and pimiento pieces. In 2-cup measuring cup, beat eggs, milk, salt and nutmeg with fork until well blended. Pour mixture into crusts, filling to within 1/4 inch of top.

4. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 2 minutes. With tip of knife, lift quiches from cups. Serve warm.

Biscuit, Ham & Potato Bake

2009-12-30T11:25:00.001-06:00

INGREDIENTS
2 Pillsbury® Grands!® frozen buttermilk biscuits (from 25-oz bag)
2 eggs
1/3 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon ground mustard
1 cup frozen potatoes O'Brien with onions and peppers (from 28-oz bag)
1/2 cup diced ham
1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (2 oz)
DIRECTIONS
1. Place frozen biscuits on microwavable plate. Microwave uncovered on Medium (50%) 30 to 40 seconds or until soft.
2. Heat oven to 350°F. In medium bowl, beat eggs, milk and mustard with wire whisk until blended. Stir in potatoes, ham and cheese.
3. Spray 1-quart casserole with cooking spray. Cut each biscuit into 8 pieces; arrange evenly in dish. Pour egg mixture over biscuit pieces in dish. Press down with back of spoon, making sure all biscuits are covered with egg mixture.
4. Bake 40 to 45 minutes or until edges are golden brown and center is set. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

Crescent Bacon-Cheese Tartlets

2009-12-30T11:22:00.000-06:00

INGREDIENTS
1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury® refrigerated crescent dinner rolls or 1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury® Crescent Recipe Creations® refrigerated seamless dough sheet
1/3 cup shredded Swiss cheese
1/4 cup chopped cooked bacon
1 tablespoon chopped green onion (1 medium)
1 egg
3 tablespoons whipping cream

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 375°F.

2. If using crescent rolls: Unroll dough into 1 large rectangle on work surface. Press into 12x9-inch rectangle, firmly pressing perforations to seal. If using dough sheet: Unroll dough on work surface. Press into 12x9-inch rectangle.

3. Cut dough into 12 squares. Gently press squares into 12 ungreased mini muffin cups, shaping edges to form rims 1/4 inch high. Spoon cheese evenly into dough-lined cups. Top each with bacon and onion. In small bowl, beat egg and whipping cream with wire whisk or fork until blended. Spoon slightly less than 1 tablespoon mixture into each cup.

4. Bake 15 to 20 minutes or until edges are golden brown and filling is set. Cool 5 minutes. Remove from muffin cups.

Easy Bacon Cheese Pull-Aparts

2009-12-30T11:20:00.001-06:00

INGREDIENTS
1 egg
2 tablespoons milk
1 (16.3-oz.) can Pillsbury® Grands!® Flaky Layers Refrigerated Original Biscuits
1 (2.1-oz.) pkg. precooked bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
3 oz. (3/4 cup) shredded Cheddar cheese
1/4 cup finely chopped green onions (4 medium)

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 350°F. Spray 11x7- or 12x8-inch (2-quart) glass baking dish with cooking spray. In large bowl, beat egg and milk with wire whisk until smooth.

2. Separate dough into 8 biscuits; cut each into quarters. Gently stir biscuit pieces into egg mixture to coat evenly. Fold in bacon, cheese and onions. Spoon mixture into sprayed dish; arrange biscuit pieces in single layer.

3. Bake at 350°F. for 23 to 28 minutes or until golden brown. Cut into squares.

Bloddy Mary Mix

2009-12-30T08:24:00.001-06:00

Ingredients
3 cup(s) store-bought tomato juice
2 teaspoon(s) prepared horseradish
1 teaspoon(s) salt
1/2 teaspoon(s) freshly ground pepper
1 1/2 tablespoon(s) fresh lemon juice
2 teaspoon(s) Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon(s) hot sauce

Directions

Stir ingredients; pour into an airtight bottle. Mixer can be refrigerated up to 1 week.

Blood-Orange Punch

2009-12-30T08:23:00.001-06:00

Ingredients
U.S. Metric Conversion chart
2 bottle(s) (25 ounces each) blood orange juice, chilled
3 can(s) (12 ounces each) natural orange soda, such as San Pellegrino Aranciata, chilled
3 tablespoon(s) fresh lime juice
8 ounce(s) light rum, such as Appletons
5 dash(es) bitters
1 blood orange or orange, cut into 1/4-inch-thick wedges and frozen

Directions
Fill ice cube trays with 1 1/2 cups orange juice, and freeze. To make punch, stir remaining orange juice, soda, lime juice, rum, and bitters into a 16-cup punch bowl. Before serving, add frozen orange slices. Add ice cubes as needed to keep chilled.

Outrageous Chocolate Cookies

2009-12-30T08:21:00.000-06:00

Ingredients
8 ounce(s) semisweet chocolate, roughly chopped
4 tablespoon(s) unsalted butter
2/3 cup(s) all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled
1/2 teaspoon(s) baking powder
1/2 teaspoon(s) salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup(s) (packed) light-brown sugar
1 teaspoon(s) vanilla extract
1 package(s) (12-ounce) semisweet chocolate chunks

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Heat chopped chocolate and butter in a microwave-safe bowl in 20-second increments, stirring in between, until almost melted; do not overheat. In another bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.

2.In a mixing bowl, beat eggs, brown sugar, and vanilla on high speed until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low; beat in melted chocolate. Mix in flour mixture until just combined. Stir in chocolate chunks.

3.Drop heaping tablespoons of dough 2 to 3 inches apart onto baking sheets. Bake, rotating sheets halfway through, until cookies are shiny and crackly yet soft in centers, 12 to 15 minutes. Cool on sheets 10 minutes; with a thin metal spatula, transfer to racks to cool completely.

Mini Corn Bread Puddings

2009-12-30T08:20:00.001-06:00

Ingredients
Butter, room temperature, for pan
1/2 cup(s) all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
1/2 cup(s) yellow cornmeal
2 tablespoon(s) sugar
1 teaspoon(s) baking powder
1 teaspoon(s) salt
1/4 teaspoon(s) baking soda
1 large egg
1 1/2 cup(s) sour cream
1 package(s) (10 ounces) frozen corn kernels, thawed and patted dry

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 425 degrees, with rack in upper third. Butter 24 mini muffin cups; set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, salt, and baking soda.

2.Make a well in center of flour mixture. In well, whisk together egg, sour cream, and corn. Mix with flour mixture just until incorporated (do not overmix).

3.Dividing evenly, spoon batter into prepared muffin pan. Bake until tops have browned and a toothpick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean, 10 to 15 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes in pan; turn out onto a cooling rack. Serve, or cool completely and store at room temperature in an airtight container, up to 2 days.

Smoked Salmon with Herbed Goat Cheese and Toast

2009-12-30T08:18:00.000-06:00

Ingredients
10 ounce(s) soft goat cheese
2 tablespoon(s) coarsely chopped fresh dill
Freshly ground pepper
1 pound(s) thinly sliced smoked salmon
1 small red onion, halved and thinly sliced
1 loaf(s) ciabatta bread, sliced and toasted

Directions

1.Stir together cheese and dill; season with pepper.

2.Arrange salmon and onion on a platter. Serve with spread and toast

Ham and Leek Frittata

2009-12-30T08:17:00.001-06:00

Ingredients
8 ounce(s) small red potatoes, halved
3 tablespoon(s) extra-virgin olive oil
Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
12 large eggs
2 teaspoon(s) Dijon mustard
2 dash(es) hot sauce, such as Tabasco
2 tablespoon(s) unsalted butter
2 leeks, white and pale-green parts only, thinly sliced crosswise, rinsed well
8 ounce(s) baked ham, cut into 1/4-inch pieces

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Arrange potatoes on a rimmed baking sheet. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon oil; season with salt and pepper. Roast until tender and golden brown, about 30 minutes. Set aside.

2.Preheat broiler. Whisk eggs, mustard, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon pepper, and the hot sauce in a large bowl; set aside.

3.Heat butter and remaining 2 tablespoons oil in a large cast-iron skillet over medium heat until butter has melted. Add leeks; cook, stirring, until soft, about 5 minutes. Add ham; cook, stirring, until heated through, about 2 minutes.

4.Add egg mixture, and gently stir with a heatproof rubber spatula. Cook, using spatula to pull eggs away from sides, allowing uncooked egg to run underneath, until almost set, about 8 minutes.

5.Arrange potatoes over top of frittata. Broil frittata until set and lightly golden, 30 seconds to 1 minute. Serve, cut in wedges, warm or at room temperature.

Minty Brownie Bites

2009-12-11T15:07:00.001-06:00

Ingredients

Brownie Bites

2/3 cup(s) all-purpose-flour
1/2 cup(s) unsweetened cocoa
1/2 teaspoon(s) baking powder
1 pinch(s) salt
3/4 cup(s) granulated sugar
3 tablespoon(s) butter or margarine, melted and cooled
2 tablespoon(s) honey
1 teaspoon(s) vanilla extract
1 large egg white
Topping

1 cup(s) confectioners' sugar
1 tablespoon(s) milk
1 tablespoon(s) butter or margarine, softened
1/2 teaspoon(s) peppermint extract
2 ounce(s) white chocolate, melted and cooled
2 ounce(s) round hard peppermint candies, broken into chunks

Directions

1.Prepare Brownie Bites: Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease large cookie sheet.
2.In large bowl, combine flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt. In medium bowl, whisk sugar, butter, honey, vanilla, and egg white until blended. Stir sugar mixture into flour mixture; then, with hand, press dough just until blended.
3.With greased hands, shape dough into 1-inch balls and place on prepared cookie sheet 2 inches apart; press to flatten slightly. Bake 7 to 8 minutes or until brownies have cracked slightly. Transfer to wire rack to cool.
4.Prepare Topping: In medium bowl, whisk confectioners' sugar and milk until smooth. Whisk in butter and extract, then whisk in melted chocolate until smooth. Swirl 1 teaspoon topping on each cookie. Top each frosted cookie with 1 candy piece. Store in tightly sealed container with waxed paper between layers at room temperature up to 3 days or in freezer up to 1 month.

Orange Glazed Carrots

2009-11-25T11:42:00.002-06:00

Ingredients
1 pound baby carrots
1/4 cup orange juice
3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons butter
1 pinch salt
2 Tsp Cornstarch

Directions
1.Place carrots in a shallow saucepan, and cover with water. Boil until tender. Drain.

2.Meanwhile combine orange juice, brown sugar, butter, salt & cornstarch and blend well. Bring to boil and until butter and sugar melt and pour over carrots.

Butterscotch Pecan Pie

2009-11-25T11:32:00.000-06:00

Ingredients
1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups milk
1/4 cup light corn syrup
3 egg yolks, beaten
3 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup chopped pecans
1 (9 inch) pie shell, baked

3 egg whites
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
1 pinch salt
3/8 cup white sugar
1/4 cup chopped pecans

Directions
1.In the top of a double boiler, combine brown sugar, cornstarch, and 1/4 teaspoon. salt. Stir in milk and corn syrup. Cook over boiling water, stirring constantly, 20 minutes or until thickened.
2.In a medium bowl, beat egg yolks until thick and lemon colored. Gradually stir 1/2 cup of hot mixture into yolks. Pour back into remaining milk mixture, stirring constantly. Cook 5 minutes over boiling water, stirring frequently. Remove from heat; stir in butter, vanilla and 3/4 cup pecans. Pour into pastry shell. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C.)
3.Beat egg whites cream of tartar, and pinch of salt until foamy. Gradually add sugar, beating until stiff peaks form. Spread meringue over filling, sealing to edge of pastry. Sprinkle with remaining 1/4 cup pecans.
4.Bake in the preheated oven for 12 minutes, or until golden brown. Cool to room temperature. Chill thoroughly.

Turkey Cranberry Pinwheels

2009-11-25T11:28:00.000-06:00

INGREDIENTS
1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury® refrigerated crescent dinner rolls or 1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury® Crescent Recipe Creations® refrigerated seamless dough sheet
4 tablespoons cranberry chutney (from 9.4-oz jar) or whole berry cranberry sauce (from 16-oz can)
4 slices (about 5 oz) thinly sliced turkey breast
2/3 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Spray large cookie sheet with cooking spray.
2. If using crescent rolls: Unroll dough; press into 12x8-inch rectangle, firmly pressing perforations to seal. If using dough sheet: Unroll dough; press into 12x8-inch rectangle.
3. Spread cranberry chutney on top of rectangle, within 1/4 inch of edges. Arrange sliced turkey evenly over cranberry chutney. Sprinkle shredded cheese over sliced turkey.
4. Starting with longest side, roll up; pinch long side to seal. With serrated knife, cut into 24 slices. Place cut side down on cookie sheet.
5. Bake 10 to 15 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from cookie sheets. Serve warm.

Peach Rasberry Cobbler

2009-11-25T11:26:00.000-06:00

ngredients
4 cups fresh peaches - peeled, pitted and sliced
1 cup fresh raspberries
3/4 cup white sugar
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 (9 inch) pie crusts
2 tablespoons butter, softened and cut into pieces
1 tablespoon coarse granulated sugar

Directions
1.Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
2.Place peaches and berries in a colander for about 15 minutes to drain any excess fluid , then transfer to a large bowl. Gently toss with sugar, flour, and cinnamon. Transfer to a pie crust. Dot with butter, and top with remaining crust. Cut vents in top crust, and sprinkle with coarse sugar.
3.Bake 45 minutes in the preheated oven, until crust is golden brown.

Cranberry Pear Relish

2009-11-25T11:20:00.001-06:00

Ingredients
U.S. Metric Conversion chart
2 cup(s) sugar
1/2 cup(s) orange juice
1/4 cup(s) balsamic vinegar
1 piece(s) (1-inch) peeled fresh ginger
1 stick(s) cinnamon
2 bag(s) (12 ounces each) cranberries
2 firm, ripe medium Bosc or Anjou pears, peeled, cored, and cut into small cubes

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Directions

1.In 4-quart saucepan, combine sugar, orange juice, vinegar, ginger, and cinnamon stick; heat to boiling over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Add cranberries and pears; heat to boiling, stirring frequently. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook 15 minutes or until most cranberries pop, pears are very tender, and relish thickens slightly, stirring occasionally.
2.Discard ginger and cinnamon stick. Spoon relish into serving bowl; cover and refrigerate until well chilled, about 3 hours or up to 4 days.

Sweet Potato Pecan Casserole

2009-11-25T11:14:00.001-06:00

Ingredients
4 cups sweet potato, cubed
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 tablespoons butter, softened
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons butter, softened
1/2 cup chopped pecans

Directions
1.Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Put sweet potatoes in a medium saucepan with water to cover. Cook over medium high heat until tender; drain and mash.
2.In a large bowl, mix together the sweet potatoes, sugar, eggs, salt, butter, milk and vanilla. Mix until smooth. Transfer to a 9x13 inch baking dish.
3.In medium bowl, mix the sugar and flour. Cut in the butter until the mixture is coarse. Stir in the pecans. Sprinkle the mixture over the sweet potato mixture.
4.Bake in the preheated oven 30 minutes, or until the topping is lightly brown.

Green Bean Caserole

2009-11-25T11:10:00.000-06:00

Ingredients
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon white sugar
1/4 cup onion, diced
1 cup sour cream
3 (14.5 ounce) cans French style green beans, drained
2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup crumbled buttery round crackers
1 tablespoon butter, melted

Directions
1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2.Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Stir in flour until smooth, and cook for one minute. Stir in the salt, sugar, onion, and sour cream. Add green beans, and stir to coat.
3.Transfer the mixture to a 2 1/2 quart casserole dish. Spread shredded cheese over the top. In a small bowl, toss together cracker crumbs and remaining butter, and sprinkle over the cheese.
4.Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the top is golden and cheese is bubbly.

Thanksgiving Stuffing

2009-11-20T11:46:00.002-06:00

Ingredients
15 slices white bread, lightly toasted
4 Cups Croutons
2 tablespoons butter
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 stalks celery, finely chopped
2 eggs, lightly beaten
4 cups chicken broth
3 teaspoons rubbed sage
1 teaspoon thyme
1 can sliced mushrooms
1 teaspoon garlic powder
salt and pepper to taste

Directions
1. Allow the toasted bread to sit approximately 24 hours, until hard.
2. Lightly grease a 9x13 inch baking dish.
3. Crush the bread and croutons into crumbs with a rolling pin. Place the crumbs in a large bowl.
4. Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the onion and celery and slowly cook until soft. Remove from heat and drain.
5. Mix the eggs and 2 cups chicken broth and musrooms into the bread crumbs. The mixture should be moist, but not mushy. Use water, if necessary, to attain desired consistency. Mix in the onion, celery, rubbed sage, thyme, garlic powder, salt and pepper.
6. Press the mixture into the baking dish and leave overnight in fridge.
7. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Bake 1 hour in the preheated oven, basting occasionally with additional chicken broth, or until the top is brown and crisp.

Spinach Enchiladas Verde

2009-11-17T15:01:00.003-06:00

Ingredients

* 1 cup light sour cream
* 1 jar green salsa or salsa verde
* 1 bunch fresh spinach, or bag of baby spinach rinsed and thinly sliced
* 2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
* 1 (10 ounce) package Multi-Grain Tortillas

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350F

2. In a small bowl, stir together half of the sour cream and the green salsa. Spread enough to coat the bottom into a 9x13 inch baking dish.

3. On each tortilla, spread a small amount of the salsa and sour cream in the center. Lay a small handful of spinach over that, and sprinkle with Monterey Jack cheese. Roll up, secure with a toothpick and place into the baking dish.

4. Pour the remaining salsa over the top and sprinkle with the remaining cheese.

3. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, until the enchiladas are browned and heated through.

You can also add some chopped cooked chicken breast, etc.

Creamy Chicken Piccata

2009-11-11T12:12:00.001-06:00

Ingredients
4 (about 1 1/4 pounds) boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, pounded thin
1/3 cup(s) all-purpose flour
2 eggs, slightly beaten
2 tablespoon(s) olive oil, divided
1/4 cup(s) chopped shallots or onion
1 teaspoon(s) fresh thyme leaves or 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, crushed
3 tablespoon(s) lemon juice
1 jar(s) alfredo sauce
1 tablespoon(s) finely chopped fresh parsley
1 teaspoon(s) grated lemon peel (optional)

Directions

1.Season chicken, if desired, with salt and ground black pepper. Dip chicken in flour, then eggs, coating well.

2.Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium heat and cook chicken, turning once, 5 minutes or until thoroughly cooked. Remove chicken and set aside.

3.Heat remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil in same skillet and cook shallots and thyme, stirring occasionally, 2 minutes or until shallots are tender. Stir in lemon juice and cook 1 minute. Stir in sauce, parsley, and lemon peel; heat through.

4.Spoon sauce over chicken and serve, if desired, with hot cooked rice or pasta.

Quick Chicken Margherita

2009-11-11T12:09:00.002-06:00

Ingredients
4 fully-cooked breaded chicken cutlets
1 jar(s) Tomato & Basil Pasta Sauce
1/2 cup(s) shredded mozzarella cheese (optional)
8 ounce(s) bow tie pasta, cooked and drained

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

2.Arrange chicken in 13- x 9-inch baking dish. Pour sauce over chicken, then sprinkle with cheese.

3.Bake 15 minutes or until heated through. Serve over hot bow ties.

Chicken Alfredo with Plum Tomatoes

2009-11-11T11:56:00.000-06:00

Ingredients
1 tablespoon(s) olive oil
4 (about 1 1/4 pounds) boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
4 plum tomatoes, chopped
1/3 cup(s) dry white wine or chicken broth
1 jar(s) (24-ounce) alfredo sauce
1 tablespoon(s) thinly sliced fresh basil leaves (optional)

Directions

1.Heat olive oil in 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium-high heat and brown chicken. Remove chicken and set aside.

2.Add tomatoes to same skillet and cook, stirring occasionally, 6 minutes.

3.Add wine and cook 1 minute. Stir in sauce. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low, then return chicken to skillet.

4.Simmer covered 5 minutes or until chicken is thoroughly cooked. Stir in basil.

5.To serve, arrange chicken on platter and spoon hot sauce over chicken. Serve, if desired, with hot cooked pasta or rice.

Chicken Rollatini Alfredo

2009-11-11T11:53:00.001-06:00

Ingredients
6 (about 1 1/2 pounds) boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, pounded 1/4-inch thick
6 slice(s) (thin) prosciutto or boiled ham
6 slice(s) (thin) provolone cheese
1 tablespoon(s) olive oil
1/4 cup(s) Italian seasoned dry bread crumbs
1 jar(s) alfredo sauce

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 400°.

2.Season chicken, if desired, with salt and ground black pepper.

3.Evenly top each chicken breast with slice of prosciutto, then cheese; roll up and secure with wooden toothpicks.

4.Brush chicken with olive oil, then coat with bread crumbs.

5.Arrange chicken on baking sheet and bake 25 minutes or until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

2.Meanwhile, heat sauce in medium saucepan. To serve, spoon heated sauce onto serving platter. Slice chicken rollatini and arrange over sauce. Serve, if desired, with hot cooked pasta or rice.

Chicken Carbonara

2009-11-11T11:48:00.000-06:00

Ingredients
1 tablespoon(s) olive oil
4 (about 1 1/4 pounds) boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
1 small onion, chopped
1 slice(s) bacon or pancetta, chopped
1 cup(s) frozen green peas, thawed
1/3 cup(s) dry white wine or chicken broth
1 jar(s) alfredo sauce

Directions

1.Heat olive oil in 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium-high heat and brown chicken. Remove chicken and set aside.

2.Cook onion, bacon, and peas in same skillet, stirring occasionally, 6 minutes or until bacon is cooked and onion is tender.

3.Add wine and cook 1 minute. Stir in sauce. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low, then return chicken to skillet.

4.Simmer covered 5 minutes or until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

5.Sprinkle, if desired, with cracked black pepper and serve

Baked Chicken Saltimbocca

2009-11-11T11:45:00.000-06:00

Ingredients
4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves (about 1 1/4 pounds)
1 egg, slightly beaten
3/4 cup(s) Italian seasoned dry bread crumbs
2 ounce(s) thinly sliced prosciutto or deli boiled ham
1 jar(s) marinara with burgundy wine sauce
4 ounce(s) fresh mozzarella cheese, thinly sliced
8 ounce(s) spaghetti, cooked and drained

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

2.Dip chicken in egg, then bread crumbs, coating well. Arrange chicken in 13- x 9-inch baking dish.

3.Bake 20 minutes. Top chicken with prosciutto, then 1 1/2 cups pasta sauce. Top with mozzarella cheese. Bake an additional 10 minutes or until chicken is thoroughly cooked. Serve over hot spaghetti tossed with remaining heated sauce. Sprinkle, if desired, with Parmesan cheese shavings.

New Toy

2009-11-10T10:17:00.001-06:00

Rasta Pasta

2009-11-09T08:44:00.001-06:00

Ingredients

* 1 pound penne pasta
* 2 tablespoons butter, divided
* 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed of fat and cut crosswise into 1/4-inch slices
* 2 tablespoons Cajun-style blackened seasoning
* 4 cloves garlic, chopped
* 1 large red onion, cut into wedges
* 1 green bell pepper, seeded and sliced into strips
* 1 red bell pepper, seeded and sliced into strips
* 1 yellow bell pepper, seeded and sliced into strips
* 1 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
* 1/4 teaspoon curry powder
* salt and pepper to taste
* 2 (24 ounce) jars meatless spaghetti sauce

Directions

1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook until tender but still firm, about 8 minutes. Drain.

2. Meanwhile, melt 1 tablespoon of butter in a wok or large skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken pieces; cook and stir until browned. Season with blackened seasoning, and remove the chicken from the wok and set aside.

3. Melt the remaining butter in the wok over medium-high heat. Add the garlic and onion; cook and stir until fragrant and beginning to brown. Add the green, red and yellow pepper strips, and season with red pepper flakes, curry powder, salt and pepper. Cook and stir until the peppers are hot. Return the chicken to the wok and pour in the spaghetti sauce. Heat through and serve over pasta.

Pulled Pork Sandwiches

2009-11-04T12:28:00.001-06:00

Ingredients:
2 jars (16 ounces each) picante Sauce
1 can (about 16 ounces) jellied cranberry sauce, cut up
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup prepared mustard
1 teaspoon freshly grated or ground nutmeg
1 boneless pork shoulder (about 5 pounds), cut into 2-inch chunks
24 white rolls with sesame seeds
Shredded lettuce
Prepared coleslaw

Directions:
Stir the picante sauce, cranberry sauce, sugar, mustard and nutmeg in a 6-quart saucepot. Heat to a boil over medium-high heat and cook for 10 minutes.

Add the pork to the saucepot and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 2 hours or until the pork is fork-tender.

Remove the pork from the sauce and cool slightly.

Shred the pork, using two forks.

Return the pork to the sauce and heat through.

Serve about 1/2 cup shredded pork in each roll. Top with lettuce and coleslaw.

Aussie Meat Pie

2009-11-03T15:51:00.003-06:00

Ingredients
500 g minced beef
1 onion, chopped
1 cup water, divided
2 beef bouillon cubes
1/4 cup ketchup
2 teaspoons worcestershire sauce
pepper
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1 pinch nutmeg
3 tablespoons plain flour
2 puff pastry sheets

Directions
1 Pre-heat oven at 220 degrees Celsius (428F).

2 Brown meat and onion.

3 Add 3/4 cup of the water, bouillon cubes, ketchup and Worcestershire sauce, pepper, oregano, and nutmeg.

4 Boil and cover for 15 minutes.

5 Blend flour with the remaining 1/4 cup water until it becomes a smooth paste; add to the meat mix.

6 Let cool.

7 Grease a pie dish and line with puff pastry.

8 Add the cooled filling mixture; brush edges of pastry with milk or beaten egg; put the pastry top on; press edges down with a fork.

9 Trim edges and glaze top with milk or beaten egg.

10 Bake in a very hot oven, 220 degrees Celsius (428F) for 15 minutes.

11 Reduce heat to 180 degrees Celsius (356F) and bake for 25 more minutes, or until golden brown.

Mexican Chicken Pot Pies

2009-11-03T15:26:00.001-06:00

INGREDIENTS
1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury® Crescent Recipe Creations® refrigerated seamless dough sheet
2 tablespoons butter or margarine
1/4 cup chopped onion
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 cup chicken broth
1 package (6 oz) refrigerated cooked Southwest-flavor chicken breast strips, coarsely chopped
1 can (15 oz) black beans, drained, rinsed
3 tablespoons Old El Paso® canned chopped green chiles, drained
1 cup Green Giant® Valley Fresh Steamers™ Niblets® frozen corn
1/2 cup shredded Cheddar-Jack with jalapeño peppers cheese blend (2 oz)
1/2 cup Old El Paso® Thick ‘n Chunky salsa (any variety)

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Place four 6-oz custard cups upside down on cookie sheet with sides. Spray cups with cooking spray.
2. Unroll dough on work surface; press into 12x8-inch rectangle. Cut into 4 squares. Place 1 dough square over each custard cup, stretching to fit bowl.
3. Bake 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 5 minutes. Remove from custard cups. Place on cooling rack.
4. Meanwhile, in 2-quart saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add onion; cook about 2 minutes, stirring occasionally, until tender. Add flour, salt and pepper; stir until well blended. Gradually stir in broth; cook and stir until bubbly and thickened. Stir in chicken, black beans, green chiles and corn. Simmer about 5 minutes or until hot.
5. Spoon about 3/4 cup chicken mixture into each crescent bowl. Top with cheese and salsa.

Baba Ghannouj - Eggplant Dip

2009-11-03T13:58:00.000-06:00

Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Ingredients:

* 1 large eggplant
* 1 clove garlic
* 1/4 - 1/2 cup lemon juice (depending on taste)
* 3 tablespoons tahini
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 3 tespoons olive oil
* Garnishment
* 2 tablespoons lemon juice
* 2 teaspoon olive oil

Preparation:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees and bake eggplant for 30 minutes, or until outside is crisp and inside is soft.

Allow to cool for 20 minutes.

Cut open eggplant and scoop out the flesh into colander and allow to drain for 10 minutes. Removing the excess liquid helps to eliminate a bitter flavor.

Place eggplant flesh in a medium bowl. Add remaining ingredients and mash together. You can also use a food processor instead of by hand. Pulse for about 2 minutes.

Place in serving bowl and top with lemon juice and olive oil. Add other garnishments according to taste.

Serve with warm or toasted pita or flatbread. Enjoy!
Garnishment Ideas for Baba Ghannouj
Baba ghannouj always has to have olive oil on top for garnishment. However you can spice things up a bit by adding crushed red pepper, a dash of cumin, parsley or coriander.

Cucumber Laban Salad

2009-11-03T13:56:00.000-06:00

Ingredients:

* 1 large cucumber, peeled and chopped
* 2 cups plain yogurt
* 1 teaspoon dried mint
* 1/2 teaspoon salt

Preparation:
Combine yogurt and cucumbers. Add mint and salt. Stir well.

Refrigerate 2 hours prior to serving.

Turtle Pumpkin Cheesecake

2009-11-03T13:51:00.002-06:00

INGREDIENTS:
Crust
1 1/2 cups thin chocolate wafer cookie crumbs (about 30 cookies)
1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
Filling
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix)
4 packages (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened
1 cup packed brown sugar
2/3 cup granulated sugar
5 eggs
Topping
1/2 cup chopped pecans, toasted*
2 oz bittersweet baking chocolate, coarsely chopped
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 cup caramel topping

DIRECTIONS:
1. Heat oven to 300°F. Wrap foil around outside of bottom and side of 9-inch springform pan to prevent drips. Spray bottom and 1 inch up side of pan with cooking spray. In small bowl, mix cookie crumbs and melted butter. Press crumb mixture on bottom and 1 inch up side of pan. Bake crust 8 to 10 minutes or until set. Cool at room temperature 5 minutes. Refrigerate about 5 minutes or until completely cooled.

2. Meanwhile, in another small bowl, mix flour, pumpkin pie spice and pumpkin; set aside. In large bowl, beat cream cheese with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth and creamy. Gradually beat in brown sugar and granulated sugar until smooth. On low speed, beat in eggs, one at a time, just until blended. Gradually beat in pumpkin mixture until smooth. Pour filling over crust.

3. Bake 1 hour 15 minutes to 1 hour 25 minutes or until edge of cheesecake is set but center still jiggles slightly when moved. Run knife around edge of pan to loosen cheesecake. Turn oven off; open oven door at least 4 inches. Let cheesecake remain in oven 30 minutes. Ideally cheesecake should be baked using a water bath method, if uncomfortable with this method, use above method.

4. Cool in pan on cooling rack 30 minutes. Refrigerate at least 6 hours or overnight before serving.

5. Just before serving, sprinkle pecans over top of cheesecake. In small microwavable bowl, microwave chocolate and oil uncovered on High 1 minute to 1 minute 30 seconds, stirring every 15 seconds, until melted. Drizzle chocolate over pecans.

6. To serve, run knife around edge of pan to loosen cheesecake; carefully remove side of pan. Drizzle caramel topping over each serving. Store covered in refrigerator.

*To toast pecans, sprinkle in ungreased heavy skillet. Cook over medium heat 5 to 7 minutes, stirring frequently until pecans begin to brown, then stirring constantly until light brown.

Roasted Salmon and Dill Potatoes

2009-10-29T16:52:00.000-05:00

Ingredients
1 1/2 pound(s) red potatoes, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 tablespoon(s) olive oil
4 piece(s) (6 ounces each) salmon fillet
2 tablespoon(s) prepared horseradish sauce
1/2 cup(s) loosely packed fresh dill, chopped

Directions
1.Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. In 15 1/2- by 10 1/2-inch jelly-roll pan, toss potatoes with oil, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/8 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper. Roast potatoes 10 minutes.

2.After potatoes have roasted 10 minutes, remove pan from oven. With spatula, push potatoes to an end of pan to make room for fish. Place fish in pan; sprinkle with 1/2 teaspoon salt and roast with potatoes 15 minutes or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork and potatoes are browned and tender.

3.Transfer fish to platter and top with horseradish sauce; sprinkle with half of dill. Toss potatoes with remaining dill; arrange on platter with fish.

Easy Sausage and Potatoes

2009-10-29T16:49:00.000-05:00

Ingredients
1 pound(s) sweet and/or hot Italian sausage, cut crosswise into thirds
1 pound(s) small red potatoes, each cut in half
1 large (about 1 pound) onion, cut into 12 wedges
2 red and/or yellow peppers, cut lengthwise into 8 pieces
1 tablespoon(s) olive oil

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 450° F.

2.In 15 1/2" by 10 1/2" jelly-roll pan, combine sausages, potatoes, onion, peppers , olive oil, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon black pepper; toss to coat.

3.Roast sausage mixture 30 to 35 minutes or until potatoes are fork-tender and sausages are lightly browned, stirring once halfway through roasting.

Whole Wheat Penne with Broccoli and Sausage

2009-10-29T16:42:00.001-05:00

Ingredients
12 ounce(s) whole wheat penne pasta
1 large bunch broccoli, cut into florets
12 ounce(s) hot Italian turkey sausage
1 pint(s) grape tomatoes, each cut in half
1/2 cup(s) (loosely packed) fresh basil leaves, chopped
1/4 cup(s) freshly grated Pecorino Romano cheese

Directions

1.Heat large saucepot of salted water to boiling on high. Add pasta and cook as label directs, adding broccoli when 3 minutes of cooking time remain. Reserve 1/2 cup cooking water; drain pasta and broccoli.

2.Meanwhile, thinly slice sausage on the diagonal. In 12-inch nonstick skillet, cook sausage on medium 7 to 8 minutes or until it begins to brown, stirring occasionally. Add tomatoes and cook 5 minutes longer, stirring.

3.Stir pasta, broccoli, and 1/4 cup pasta cooking water into sausage mixture in skillet; heat through, adding additional cooking water if needed. Remove from heat; stir in basil and cheese.

Easy Cheese Tortellini with Walnut Pesto

2009-10-29T16:38:00.001-05:00

Ingredients
1 cup(s) walnuts
1/3 cup(s) lightly packed flat-leaf parsley with thick stems removed
2 clove(s) garlic, smashed
3 tablespoon(s) grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving
1/2 cup(s) olive oil
1/2 teaspoon(s) salt
1/4 teaspoon(s) fresh-ground black pepper
1 pound(s) fresh or frozen cheese tortellini
1 tablespoon(s) butter

Directions

1.In a food processor or blender, pulse the walnuts, parsley, garlic, Parmesan, oil, salt, and pepper to a coarse puree.

2.In a large pot of boiling, salted water, cook the tortellini until just done, about 4 minutes for fresh and 12 minutes for frozen. Reserve 1/2 cup of the pasta water. Drain the tortellini. Toss with 1/4 cup of the reserved pasta water, the walnut pesto, and the butter. If the pasta seems dry, add more of the reserved pasta water. Sprinkle with additional Parmesan and pass more at the table.

Baked Three Cheese Macaroni

2009-10-29T16:28:00.003-05:00

Ingredients

1 pound(s) rotini or cavatappi
2 cup(s) whole milk
8 ounce(s) cream cheese
3 tablespoon(s) unsalted butter
1 teaspoon(s) fresh-ground pepper
1/2 teaspoon(s) salt
1 1/2 cup(s) grated sharp Cheddar
1 1/2 cup(s) (about 6 ounces) shredded smoked Gouda

Directions

1.Cook the pasta and make the sauce:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Cook the pasta following package directions. Strain the pasta, rinse with cold water to cool and prevent clumping, drain well, and transfer to a large bowl. Set aside. Combine the milk, cream cheese, butter, pepper, and salt in a medium saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the butter and cream cheese have melted -- about 10 minutes.

2.Assemble the macaroni and cheese:
Toss the Cheddar and Gouda with the reserved pasta. Add the hot milk mixture and stir until well combined. Transfer pasta to a 3-quart baking dish and bake until the macaroni is set and the top is golden brown -- about 30 minutes. Divide macaroni and cheese among 8 plates and serve hot.

Mini Pies

2009-10-29T16:15:00.002-05:00

INGREDIENTS
3/4 cup all-purpose or unbleached flour
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup Butter
1/2 cup Chopped Nuts, if desired
1 can (16.3 oz) flaky layers refrigerated biscuits
1 can (21 oz) apple, blueberry or cherry pie filling
1 to 1 1/2 cups whipping cream
Cinnamon-sugar

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 350°F. In medium bowl, mix flour, brown sugar and cinnamon. With pastry blender or fork, cut in butter until mixture looks like coarse crumbs. Stir in nuts.

2. Separate dough into 8 biscuits. Split each biscuit in half to make 16 rounds. With floured fingers, flatten each to form 4-inch round. Press each biscuit round in ungreased 2 3/4x1 1/4-inch muffin cup. Spoon 2 tablespoons pie filling into each biscuit-lined cup. Sprinkle each with about 2 tablespoons flour mixture. (Cups will be full.)

3. Bake 15 to 22 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 5 minutes. Remove from muffin cups; place on cooling rack. Cool 10 minutes.

4. In small bowl, beat whipping cream until stiff peaks form. Top each serving with whipped cream; sprinkle with cinnamon-sugar. Store in refrigerator.

Salmon-Asparagus Biscuits

2009-10-29T16:10:00.002-05:00

Serves Two

INGREDIENTS
2 Pillsbury® Grands!® Frozen Buttermilk Biscuits (from 25-oz pkg.)
10 fresh asparagus spears, trimmed
1/4 teaspoon olive oil
1 tablespoon butter
1/4 cup light mayonnaise
1 tablespoon milk
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon dried dill weed
1 (6-oz.) can skinless boneless pink or red sockeye salmon, drained, flaked
4 thin slices tomato

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Arrange frozen biscuits and asparagus on ungreased cookie sheet. Drizzle oil over asparagus. Bake at 375°F. for 20 to 24 minutes or until biscuits are deep golden brown and asparagus is crisp-tender.

2. During last 10 minutes of baking, microwave butter in small microwave-safe bowl on High for 20 to 30 seconds or until melted and hot. Stir in mayonnaise, milk, lemon juice

Crescent Macadamia Truffle Cups

2009-10-29T16:03:00.000-05:00

INGREDIENTS
4 oz sweet baking chocolate, cut into pieces
1/4 cup unsalted butter, regular butter or margarine
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons coffee-flavored liqueur or cold brewed coffee
1 egg
1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury® refrigerated crescent dinner rolls
24 whole macadamia nuts
3 oz white chocolate baking bar, cut into pieces
1/3 cup cream cheese spread (from 8-oz container)
1/2 cup whipping cream
2 tablespoons powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 350°F. In 1-quart saucepan, melt sweet chocolate and 1/4 cup butter over low heat, stirring constantly, until smooth. Remove from heat. Stir in brown sugar, flour, liqueur and egg; set aside.

2. Unroll dough into 2 long rectangles; firmly press perforations to seal. Cut each rectangle in half lengthwise. Cut each half crosswise into 6 (2-inch) squares. Press or roll out each square to 2 3/4-inch square. Place 1 square in each of 24 ungreased mini muffin cups; firmly press in bottom and up side, leaving corners of dough extended over edge of each cup.

3. Place 1 macadamia nut in each dough-lined cup. Spoon about 2 teaspoons filling mixture over nut in each cup.

4. Bake 12 to 15 minutes or until filling is set and corners of dough are golden brown. Cool 5 minutes. Remove from pan; place on cooling racks. Cool completely, about 30 minutes. Refrigerate until thoroughly chilled, about 1 hour.

5. Meanwhile, in 1-quart saucepan, melt baking bar and cream cheese spread over low heat, stirring constantly, until smooth. Cover with plastic wrap; refrigerate until thoroughly chilled, about 1 hour, stirring occasionally.

6. In small bowl, beat whipping cream, powdered sugar and vanilla with electric mixer on high speed just until soft peaks form. Add chilled baking bar mixture; beat on low speed just until well blended. Pipe or spoon topping over tops of chilled cups. Refrigerate until topping is set, about 30 minutes. Store truffle cups in refrigerator.

Spicy Sausage & Chicken Jambalaya

2009-10-29T12:45:00.001-05:00

Ingredients

8 ounce(s) turkey andouille sausage, sliced 1/4 inch thick
1 green or yellow pepper, chopped
1 can(s) (14 1/2-ounce) stewed tomatoes
1 cup(s) uncooked instant brown rice
8 ounce(s) chicken tenders, each cut crosswise in half
1 bunch(es) green onions, sliced

Directions

1.Heat 12-inch skillet on medium until hot. Add sausage and pepper, and cook 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2.Stir in tomatoes with their juice, rice, chicken, 1/2 cup water, and 1/4 teaspoon salt; heat to boiling on high. Reduce heat to low; cover and simmer 10 minutes or until rice is just tender. Remove skillet from heat; stir in green onions

Marbled Pumpkin Cheesecake

2009-10-29T12:10:00.001-05:00

Ingredients:

CRUST
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/4 cup sugar
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup finely chopped walnuts

CHEESECAKE
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped
1 1/2 pounds cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cups canned pumpkin puree (1 pound)
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
Pinch of ground cloves

Directions:

1.MAKE THE CRUST:
Preheat the oven to 325°. Lightly butter a 9-inch springform pan. In a medium saucepan, melt the butter with the chopped chocolate over low heat, stirring constantly. Remove the melted chocolate mixture from the heat and let it cool slightly, then stir in the sugar and the lightly beaten egg until blended.

2.In a small bowl, whisk the flour with the baking powder and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the melted chocolate mixture. Stir the chopped walnuts into the brownie batter. Spread the batter in the prepared springform pan and smooth the surface with a spatula. Bake for 10 minutes, or until risen and dry to the touch. Let cool completely. Wrap the outside of the pan in a large sheet of foil. Leave the oven on.

3.MAKE THE CHEESECAKE:
In a medium glass bowl, melt the chopped chocolate in a microwave oven on high for about 1 minute, stirring halfway through. In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, beat the cream cheese until smooth. Add the sugar and beat until light and fluffy. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating well between additions. Beat in the cornstarch and vanilla. Add 1 cup of the cheesecake batter to the melted chocolate and stir until well blended. Beat the pumpkin puree and the cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves into the remaining cheesecake batter.

4.Pour three-fourths of the pumpkin cheesecake batter over the brownie crust. Pour the chocolate batter on top of the pumpkin cheesecake batter. If the chocolate batter is too thick to pour easily, heat it in a microwave oven on high for 10 seconds. Spoon the remaining pumpkin cheesecake batter on top of the chocolate batter. Use a table knife to make a few decorative swirls: Do not overswirl.

5.Set the springform pan in a medium roasting pan. Add enough hot water to the roasting pan to reach halfway up the side of the springform pan. Bake the pumpkin cheesecake in the hot water bath in the center of the oven for 1 1/2 hours, or until it is firm around the edges but slightly jiggly in the center. Turn the oven off, prop the door several inches open and let the cheesecake stand in the water bath in the warm oven for 1 hour, or until it is completely set.

6.Remove the marbled pumpkin cheesecake from the water bath and refrigerate it until thoroughly chilled, at least 4 hours or overnight. Remove the foil and springform pan ring from the cheesecake. Carefully transfer the cheesecake to a platter, cut into wedges and serve.

Make Ahead
The baked cheesecake can be refrigerated in the springform pan for up to 4 days

Best Artichoke Dip Ever

2009-10-29T12:00:00.001-05:00

Ingredients
1 large jalapeño
Four 9-ounce boxes frozen artichokes—thawed, drained and coarsely chopped
3/4 cup mayonnaise
3/4 cup freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
1 garlic clove, minced
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon Tabasco
2 1/2 ounces sharp white cheddar cheese, shredded (1 cup)
Crackers or sliced baguette, for serving

Directions
1.Preheat the oven to 350°. Roast the jalapeño directly over a gas flame, turning, until charred all over. Let cool, then peel and seed the jalapeño and cut it into 1/4-inch dice.

2.In a large bowl, mix the artichokes with the jalapeño, mayonnaise, Parmigiano, garlic, lemon juice, lemon zest, salt and Tabasco. Transfer the mixture to a 1-quart baking dish. Bake for about 15 minutes, or until hot.

3.Preheat the broiler. Sprinkle the shredded cheddar evenly over the hot dip. Broil for about 2 minutes, until browned in spots and bubbly. Serve hot or warm, with crackers.

Carbonara

2009-10-28T13:12:00.002-05:00

Ingredients:

•Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
•1 pound pasta, such as spaghetti or rigatoni
•1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil (enough to coat bottom of pan)
•1/4 pound pancetta (Italian bacon), chopped
•1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
•5 to 6 cloves garlic, chopped
•1/2 cup dry white wine
•2 large egg yolks
•Freshly grated Romano cheese
•Handful of finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley, for garnish

Directions:

1. Put a large saucepot of water on to boil. Add a liberal amount of salt, and pasta. Cook to al dente, about 8 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add olive oil and pancetta. Brown pancetta 2 minutes. Add red pepper flakes and garlic and cook 2 to 3 minutes more. Add wine and stir up all pan drippings.

3. In a separate bowl, beat yolks, then add 1 large ladleful (about 1/2 cup) pasta cooking water. This tempers the eggs and keeps them from scrambling when added to the pasta.

4. Drain pasta well and add directly to skillet with pancetta and oil. Pour egg mixture over pasta. Toss rapidly to coat pasta without cooking egg. Remove pan from heat and add big handful of cheese, lots of pepper, and a little salt. Continue to toss and turn pasta until soaks up egg mixture and thickens, 1 to 2 minutes. Garnish with parsley and extra grated Romano.

Chili Chicken Kabobs

2009-10-28T12:38:00.000-05:00

Ingredients

• 3 Tbsp / 45 ml best-quality olive oil
• 1 1/2 Tbsp / 22 ml balsamic vinegar
• Juice of one fresh lime
• 1 tsp / 5 ml chili powder
• 1/2 tsp / 2 1/2 ml paprika
• 1 large onion, chopped into thick pieces
• 2 garlic cloves, pressed or minced
• 1 tsp / 5ml cayenne pepper
• Sea salt, to taste
• Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
• 1 lb / 454 g boneless skinless chicken breast*, cut into 1 1/2 inch / 4-cm pieces

*NOTE: Use pork, beef or bison tenderloin or turkey as alternative kabob meats. A sturdy, meaty fish such as salmon works well here too.

Preparation

1.In a small bowl whisk together the olive oil, vinegar and lime juice. Season with chili powder, paprika, cayenne pepper, salt, and pressed garlic.
2.Place the chicken in a shallow baking dish with the sauce and stir to coat.
3.Preheat the grill to medium high. Thread the chicken onto the skewers, alternating with chopped onion pieces. Discard the marinade.
4.Lightly oil the grill grate. Grill the skewers for 10 to 15 minutes or until the chicken juices run clear.

Arroz con Pollo

2009-10-28T12:07:00.003-05:00

Ingredients
1 tablespoon(s) olive oil
4 chicken thighs
4 chicken drumsticks
2 teaspoon(s) salt
1/2 teaspoon(s) fresh-ground black pepper
2 ounce(s) smoked ham, cut into 1/4-inch dice
1 small onion, chopped
2 clove(s) garlic, minced
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 3/4 cup(s) canned tomatoes, drained and chopped
1 tablespoon(s) tomato paste
2 cup(s) canned low-sodium chicken broth or homemade stock
1 cup(s) rice, preferably long-grain
2 tablespoon(s) chopped fresh parsley

Directions

1.In a large, deep frying pan, heat the oil over moderately high heat. Season the chicken with 1/4 teaspoon each of the salt and pepper. Cook the chicken, turning, until well browned, about 8 minutes in all. Remove. Pour off all but 2 tablespoons of the fat from the pan.

2.Reduce the heat to moderately low. Add the ham, onion, and garlic to the pan and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onion starts to soften, about 2 minutes. Add the bell peppers and cook, stirring occasionally, until they start to soften, about 3 minutes longer.

3.Add the tomatoes, tomato paste, broth, and the remaining 1 3/4 teaspoons salt and 1/4 teaspoon of the pepper and bring to a simmer. Stir in the rice and add the chicken in an even layer. Simmer, partially covered, over moderately low heat until the chicken and rice are just done, 20 to 25 minutes. Sprinkle with parsley.

Pecan-Crusted Chicken with Mustard Sauce

2009-10-28T12:00:00.001-05:00

Ingredients
1 cup(s) pecans
2 tablespoon(s) cornstarch
1 teaspoon(s) dried thyme
1 teaspoon(s) paprika
1 1/2 teaspoon(s) salt
Cayenne
1 egg
2 tablespoon(s) water
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
3 tablespoon(s) cooking oil
1 cup(s) mayonnaise
2 tablespoon(s) grainy or Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon(s) white-wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon(s) sugar
2 tablespoon(s) chopped fresh parsley

Directions

1.In a food processor, pulse the pecans with the cornstarch, thyme, paprika, 1 1/4 teaspoons of the salt and 1/8 teaspoon cayenne until the nuts are chopped fine. Transfer the mixture to a medium bowl.

2.Whisk together the egg and the water in a small bowl. Dip each chicken breast into the egg mixture and then into the nut mixture.

3.In a large nonstick frying pan, heat the oil over moderate heat. Add the chicken to the pan and cook for 5 minutes. Turn and continue cooking until the chicken is golden brown and cooked through, 5 to 6 minutes longer.

4.Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the mayonnaise, mustard, vinegar, sugar, parsley, a pinch of cayenne and the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt. Serve the chicken with the mustard dipping sauce.

Too stupid to realize one's stupidity

2009-05-06T13:18:00.001-05:00

It always tickles me when a customer is too stupid to know that the problem is because of their stupidity and not because of a genuine problem. Its totally fine if you don't understand something, there are plenty of things I don't know either, but when there is a problem because a person doesn't understand how to do something and they try to blame me for it, then I have a serious problem with it. Take for example this eMail from today:

"The unit sent to me (Item number: ********) will not load an OS. Its a BSD everytime.Please rectify, negative reviews really aren't my thing. Please contact me 212-***-**** Thanks
- c*tex****"

Now obviously this idiot doesn't understand how to load his XP drivers correctly when doing an install and his workstation is giving him exactly the screen at exactly the time it is supposed to....prompting him to follow the proceedure that the workstation is expecting him to. That he does not know that is not what makes him an idiot.

What makes him an idiot is the fact that he assumes his ignorance is my fault and that he has to be threatening (as in "negative reviews aren't my thing" Neither apparently is common sense.)

Use your head people! Enough said

That the eff?

2009-04-21T11:09:00.000-05:00

Yay!

2009-04-01T15:41:00.000-05:00

The SEAL Challenge is one month away.....cannot wait!

Public Works Projects: How well did it work for Japan?

2009-03-30T10:30:00.000-05:00

As we know the Japanese economy is the second largest in the world. As we also have heard it is currently shrinking at the fastest rate in 30 years. Exports to the USA are down nearly 60% from last year.

Now Tokyo has embarked on yet another public works initiative that some in the government are hoping will spread to the rest of Japan shortly.

What of it?

Well in the 90's the government spent $2 trillion on a massive public works campaign. How well did that work? Well on the one hand Japan arguably has THE best infastructure in the world, fast and cheap broadband everywhere, excellent and convenient (if not crowded) mass public transportation, etc. On the other hand the 90's public works spending pushed Japan into massive public debt to the tune of 175% of Japan's GDP.

Might be something we and Obama and his team might want to have considered.

Shut up already

2009-03-26T12:31:00.001-05:00

Poor silly gun makers, the Army is NEVER gonna do a subcompact. Quit creaming over this, its not a new concept so you should know by now its never going to be done. They would have MP5s by now if they were going to ever.

So what the 44th president is really saying....

2009-03-24T11:13:00.000-05:00

It has been reported that yesterday the Obama vet insurance plan was scrapped due to an overwhelming lack of support, or more pointedly, opposition to the proposal.

Basically vets also have private insurance. In some cases if they get treatment from the VA (such as for combat related injuries, on-going care, etc) the insurance company doesn't have to pay for it. The administration thinks this unfairly advantages the insurance companies that collected premiums and now don't have to pay for treatment. So they were proposing that the insurance companies would be forced to reimburse the VA for treatment provided for combat related injuries and similar and raising around $500 million for the Department of Veterans Affairs. Sounds fair right?

Well anyone who knows the tiniest bit about how insurance companies work and also know the astronomical costs that can be incurred by combat related injuries can quickly figure out that 1) Coverage limits would very quickly be reached and 2) The insurance companies would raise rates to probably more than the vets could ever hope to cover thus leaving them without insurance for them and their families.

Bear in mind, I don't think anyone would disagree that it is universally accepted that the United States should care for those who have borne the battle having been sent into war by and injured in the service of the United States. I think Bob Filner, D-California, said it very well that the budget "cannot be balanced on the backs (or legs, or kidneys, or hearts) of our nation's combat-wounded heroes." This is the responsibility of the United States, not some souless insurance company.

So now the proposal is DOA. However, the attitude from the administration seems to be "Fine then! You didn't want us to get more money for you, then you're out of luck if you come asking for any more money for vet issues! Oh and by the by, suck it Department of Veteran's Affairs, you can go and figure out where to come up with that $500 million we were going to have for you with this plan."

Its quite sad really that they would even consider such a plan and then when shot down act like the vets are biting the hand that feeds them. Why wouldn't the administration rather consider going after the 1.7 Billion that the GAO found in 2008 could have been charged to private insurance and wasn't and was never sought but could be under existing rules? That's a whole lot more than $500 Million?

Day 2 Networking

2009-03-13T11:56:00.000-05:00

So now when converting our Octet to a decimal number we must keep in mind

If the bit is 0 the value of that bit is 0!!(you're so smart)

If the bit is 1 the bit has the value of the decimal value based on the bit position (as we learned previously)

So now to convert the Octet to a decimal we need to add the values of all the bits to determine the decimal number of the Octet

So using the above Octet of 00101110, starting with the first 0 (we do not add the value of 128 that we would if it had a 1 in that bit position instead of a 0) + 0 (64 if a 1 bit) + 32 (it has a 1 bit in this position remember) + 0 (16 position) + 8 + 4 + 2 + 0 (1 position)= 46. YAY!! Easy, right?

Here you try this one: 01100100

Networking - Basic basic beginning concepts

2009-03-12T10:55:00.000-05:00

I will attempt to explain very simply a basic concept of binary math.

First you need to know the following:

A bit is one digit. Either a one (1) or a zero (0)

A byte is eight (8) bits, in any combination (remember a bit is either 1 or 0). This is also called an Octet. for example: 00101110

Each Octet (combination of eight bits) can be converted to a decimal number

Each bit position in an Octet has a decimal value assigned to it. It goes like this 128 64 32 16 8 4 2 1. To make it easier think of the 0 and 1 as false and true or no and yes or off and on (whatever works for you for this initial concept). The above number therefore would be like this if you were imagining no/yes:

128 = 0/no 64 = 0/no 32 = 1/yes 16 = 0/no 8 = 1/yes 4 = 1/yes 2 = 1/yes 1 = 0/no

Digest this and more tomorrow.

2009 Cash Only Year

2009-03-11T12:36:00.000-05:00

As some of my friends know I accepted the All Cash in 2009 challenge put to me at the beginning of the year. First of all I need to issue a disclaimer. Yes I certainly have heard that the bank is the “safest” place for your money. If someone steals your purse or wallet there is no calling the bank to dispute transactions, and so on. I also know that if everyone only used cash and had no credit cards, let alone money in checking and bank savings accounts the banking industry would most likely collapse, yada yada yada. That being said…this is an all-cash year for me for various reasons. Of course I still have long term savings that I am not touching and indeed contributing more too, but in terms of everyday living…I have switched to cash. This is mostly an experiment that I was put up to, but I am finding it quite a lot of fun to say the least.

People who follow the stunts of those wonderfully wacky folks with Improv Everywhere know what kind of reaction you can expect when pants-less individuals ride the subway en masse. I bet however those people would be much more surprised at the reaction one gets when paying for purchases in all cash. Preferably one dollar bills. Try it sometime. $239 of groceries in $1 bills. (Yes, yes holding up the line my ass, there were plenty of open lanes last time I tried this). People turn reddish for some reason.

“Wow, you have a lot of one dollar bills.”

“Why yes I do.”

I guess I don’t know what I would say if someone was paying with one dollar bills other than the obvious disingenuous quips that come to mind.

2009-01-08T15:22:00.000-06:00

It is reported that a Dallas man about to be laid off from his job at General Dynamics shot himself in his employer's parking lot after police bungled the job.

Apparently police received a call indicating the man may be suicidal and was in possession of a gun while heading to his workplace. Police arrived and pulled up behind the man who exited his vehicle to face the officer. The man then allegedly pointed his gun at the cop and the cop fired at the man. The man reportedly then put a round through his own head. The Dallas medical examiner is saying the man died of a single contact gunshot wound to the head and there were no other wounds on his body.

This smacks of incompetence to me. Just saying.

The Secret

2009-01-07T16:02:00.000-06:00

In case you have not read this excellent review of the cult book "The Secret" on Amazon:

The Secret saved my life!, December 4, 2007
By Ari Brouillette
Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of "The Secret" is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don't want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing. At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life. My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be anally raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes. Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I've never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of "The Secret". Normally I wouldn't have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn't have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read. The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the "Law of Attraction" in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn't exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 "The Secret to Relationships" that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point. The next day in the exercise yard I carried "The Secret" with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness actually made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I'm not sure that everybody's life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I'm very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.

http://www.amazon.com/review/R2X2TB3S4O5I60?ie=UTF8&ref%5F=cm%5Fcr%5Frdp%5Fperm

New Church of England Prayers

2009-01-06T10:34:00.000-06:00

Prayer on Being Made Redundant:

Thank you, Heavenly Father, that in the middle of the sadness, the anger, the uncertainty, the pain, I can talk to you. Hear me as I cry out in confusion, help me to think clearly, and calm my soul. As life carries on, may I know your presence with me each and every day. And as I look to the future, help me to look for fresh opportunities, for new directions. Guide me by your Spirit, and show me your path, Through Jesus, the Way, the Truth and the Life. Amen.

Prayer for Those Remaining in the Workplace:

Suddenly, what seemed so secure is now so very fragile. It's hard to know what I feel: Sadness, certainly, Guilt, almost, at still having a job to go to, And fear of the future: Who will be next?
How will I cope with the increased pressure of work? Lord Jesus, in the midst of this uncertainty, help me to keep going: To work to the best of my ability, Taking each day at a time, And taking time each day to walk with you For you are the Way, the Truth and the Life. Amen.

Just a question

2008-12-18T15:23:00.000-06:00

I suppose a self-answering one. Would the anti-abortion/birth control crowd rather a bunch of young single mothers? You don't have to be brilliant to figure out this leads to lower quality of life in most cases not to mention crime, and yes yes all the inspiring stories aside, statistically speaking it is indisputable. Maybe if they said "Hey get pregnant! We will support financially you and your bastard for life!" they would have better luck. Hey plenty of people are looking for a free ride after all.

Yay new toys!

2008-12-18T12:39:00.000-06:00

Getting mobbed at the dealership

2008-12-15T14:27:00.000-06:00

We were out driving this weekend when I spotted a sweet 68 fastback up on the rack at a dealership we were passing. Naturally I had to stop and look at it. Not in the market for a new car at the moment, but I still wanted a look at this thing.

Pulled into the parking lot and got out, strolled over to have a look see when suddenly SWOOP! I was swarmed by four sales guys and a sales manager. I looked around the parking lot and we were THE ONLY other people there.

I made as hasty a retreat as I could. I fully expected them to be hanging onto the rear bumper as we drove out.

No sympathy have I

2008-12-11T13:01:00.000-06:00

Some people have been saying that it is the fault of the individual homeowners who bought funky mortgages and now cannot afford them after they have reset. They should get the blame for the glut of houses available depressing home equity and making it impossible nearly to sell your home and break even for even those who had traditional mortgages and now must sell due to moving, divorce, getting laid off whatever. Well I say, as I always do...its complicated.

Now we hear how banks like Wacovia were requiring their mortgage officers to sell at least 45% of all loans they originated as "Pick-Your-Payment" adjustable ARM and similar shoddy products. First of all the commission on these loans was double and if greed was not enough to appeal to the loan officers, they would be reprimanded and penalized for failing to sell their quota.

When I went to buy my house some years ago, I knew I wanted a traditional fixed rate mortgage...with a great rate of 4.5% it was a no-brainier and even if I didn't have as great a rate I was pretty sure that while sure the rate might go down, it might also go up and when time to re-finance came around I would be screwed and being cautious as I am I HATE gambling. Now even though I knew this and qualified for the loan I wanted, oh how much grief I got, EVERYONE involved in the process from the real estate agent to the bank was trying to pressure, yes that's right pressure me into another type of non-traditional loan. At one point I was shouting "I do not want an adjustable rate loan, I want this loan right here!" only to be met with "I understand ma'am but if you would just let me explain how these other options would be better for you and your family...." I'm dead serious. I had to finally threaten to walk out before they would shut up. So what would happen to a less stubborn person, perhaps they would have yielded to the appeals made on their emotions such as, you can save the difference you would pay and ensure your children's education and future success....perhaps had I not been such a bitch about stuff I would have folded.

So yes ultimately it is the loan holders responsibility but it doesn't help much when the experts are trying to cram a craptastic and ultimately destructive product down your throat all the while marketing themselves as a financial institution that values you and your family above everything else.

Now of course we must bail out these banks because we cannot let the markets fail and we cannot afford to have our debts called in. So fine here's the money....and here's even more money if you say you are "working with homeowners to restructure their mortgages and keep them in their houses." Ah ha! That's a good thing, right? This is helping homeowners and trying to salvage us from the flood. Only the problem is the banks have taken the money and say they are working with homeowners, which to them entails talking to them and saying "Sorry, we can't help you." There - we "worked" with them. Never mind the problem wasn't solved.....we "made an effort"

As everyone knows these risky products were sold in bundles and still paid against by the mortgage payments. Here's the rub....very few loans are now owned directly by one bank or even a few banks. Most of the loans ownership is now scattered over the entire US and planet for that matter. Therein lies the rub, there is no one person to make restructuring decisions or even a few people. So it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to get an agreement on such a thing.

Even if most of these banks felt like doing anything but taking the money thank you very much now we turn around and continue sticking it to our customers, they would hardly be in a position to.

Right now the problem with foreclosure has been set around products that were set to reset the rates around 2 - 3 years which is now. What we are not talking about yet is the ARM products that we set to reset in 5 years of which there are PLENTY. This means 2009 - 2010 we will start to see these loans reset at a time when we will least be able to afford it on the nationwide level.

Add to this an unemployment rate that I predict will grow to at least 9 or 10% before all is said and done (take into consideration the people who have been out of work for more than 13 weeks as well....doesn't mean they aren't still unemployed, but they don't count any more) and we are ripe set for the kind of recession/depression unheard of in modern history. No jobs, no tax income for the states and schools who get most of their funding from property taxes and well we have to come in under budget, right? More unemployment.

And all because the greedy mortgage companies who's asses we are now saving while they stick it to us in turn.

About this there is nothing the average person can do except to say like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar "So what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!"

Always Blame it on God

2008-12-02T15:26:00.000-06:00

This is a good one...going in my book of excuses. A guy in San Antonio crashed his truck into a womans car at more than 100 miles per hour. He told authorities that he smashed into her because God had told him "she needed to be taken off the road."

Bexar County Sheriff's Office spokesman Kyle Coleman is quoted as saying "He just said God said she wasn't driving right, and she needed to be taken off the road. God must have been with them, 'cause any other time, the severity of this crash, it would have been a fatal."

Police could not find alcohol or drugs in either driver.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28005693/?GT1=43001

I don't know why I find this so funny

2008-11-25T13:50:00.000-06:00

The Associated Press
updated 5:15 p.m. CT, Mon., Nov. 24, 2008

LEAVENWORTH, Kan. - There's probably an art to stealing — and cracking open — ATMs. But a man apparently hasn't figured out what it is.
Police say a 49-year-old man was arrested for prying an ATM loose from a credit union early Sunday by using a stolen skid loader. Then, in a bid to break open the cash machine, police say the suspect used the skid loader to drop the 3,000-pound machine straight down a 50-foot wooded embankment.
But things didn't go as planned. When the skid loader dropped down the hill, the man went with it.
The suspect took a wild ride down the embankment from the skid loader cage. The man, skid loader and ATM tumbled downhill through the woods.
He was found trapped inside the battered machine and was taken to a hospital for his injuries, which were not considered life-threatening.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27896230

What I'm wearing to the Navy Awards

2008-11-19T16:55:00.000-06:00

Welcome to Intel's Fantastical World of Confusion

2008-11-19T10:40:00.001-06:00

Remember the good old days of the Intel CPU. You know Intel, Intel II, Intel III, and Intel 4? As you know the world of Intel CPUs has gotten a mite more complex since those days. Anyone remember MDK? You know PC Games called it "The most impressive single player game ever" and you had to have a Pentium (or equivalent) to play it? It wasn't "You must have a dual core or better" or "It runs best on the Core2Extreme" just INTEL...there was only one.

Why do I bring this up? Well first of all let me preface this by saying I understand how confusing the last few years of Intel's new products have been. Your average Joe-the-plumber type will take whatever DELL or whoever is promoting or whatever their "techy" friends suggest so they are blissfully free of such concerns. It's the Just-Enough-Knowledge-To-Be-Dangerous types who are truly in a state of confusion.

PC and Gaming magazines and Intel's own advertising don't help matters much either. Indeed in my considerable opinion they make it worse. Much worse.

People tell me all the time, how it’s so stupid that Intel has all these different products and blah, blah, blah....Intel should stick with one product or a few and call it quits. Well as my favourite response goes: It's complicated. The way we compute now is significantly more complicated then we used to. And yes yes there are those people still running their Windows 98 on an old Pentium 4 2.0 with 1GB memory and a 9GB hard drive and it works just fine for them so everything else is just rubbish.

But to make a very long and complicated story short, Intel and similar companies are contending with many issues now besides just pushing the speed envelope and we also now have a lot of power issues and other bottlenecks to contend with. Intel and other chip makers have come up with a lot of different ways to address a lot of different problems and make computing advancements at the same time. Some of these work better than others. One thing you can be sure of now though is that it's no longer simply an issue of 2.0GHz vs. 2.4GHz etc.

This is where it is confusing for your average Joe-The-Plumber type who cannot for the life of them understand why a system with Xeon X5320 1.86Ghz (for example) should cost so very much more than a system with a Pentium D 945 3.4Ghz CPU. The speed is faster after all, no? You know 1.86 GHz vs. 3.4GHz?!?! You have no idea how many indignant callers have accused me of not knowing what I'm talking about when trying to explain this fact - "it doesn't make sense. If your car is going 65mph then you are going faster than the bloke going 40mph, no"?

I don't mind these people too much. You can usually just hit them over the head with a OptiPlex 755 Q6600 4GB 250GB DVD-RW Floppy ATI2400 XP Pro 2 x E198WFP and send them on their way happy as clams thanking you profusely for your help and stating they would never know what to do without you.

Its these little insolent fuckers who read whatever free PC magazines and nonsense on their local I've-Never-Been-Laid forums and get all high on themselves want to waste all my time asking what each of the 100 different CPUs does differently from each other the difference between Core Duo and Core 2 Duo, Quad Core, XEON, Dual Core XEON, Quad Core XEON, various Extreme, Hyper-Threading, Pentium D, Celerons, Single Xeon vs. Dual Xeon, Single Quad Core XEON vs. Dual Dual Core XEON, etc and how each one performs better running every single proprietary application and game on earth. I personally have benchmarked nearly every single one in many many application and since I am cursed with extreme geekiness I tend to retain this knowledge learned partially from other's research, partially from Intel, partially from my own experience and partially doing this every day for the last ten years professionally and another 10 before that for fun...and yes I have the specs of every model etched in my head so yes while I could give you a thoughtful answer to each of these questions and spend hours sending you estimates on what I think would be best for your particular application and usage all things considered (since you said money was no object) starting with good, better, best and plain sick...I know you are just going to end up buying some cheapo piece of crap E2180 1024mb 80GB NVS280 system anyway with no OS (after all the friend of your uncle's sister-in-law gave you a pirated CD to use) and then you're gonna waaah-waaah about how it doesn't work and runs so slow and is now full of malware.

So do me and you a favour...there are plenty of sites such as tom’s hardware and more that put a lot of time into testing and providing useful information. You don't need me to hold your hand. I will get you going in the right direction if you want, and I'm happy to sell and build you a system you want and even help you troubleshoot but I'm not going to spend a day wandering through the wonderful world of Intel holding your pasty white hand.

For those too cheap to buy an OS when purchasing their system

2008-11-18T13:08:00.000-06:00

Yes yes I know plenty of reasons good why one might not want to purchase an OS with their hardware when buying a new system. However since I have often have to deal with people who buy hardware with no OS and then waah-waah about not being able to get their pirated version of ME or Win98 to work with new hardware...I say "suck my metaphorical balls"

However feeling a little generous today...actually this is the system people have been having trouble with the most it seems like lately....I have decided to post some useful info for installing Windows XP on a DELL Precision T3400.

And no I will not help you fix your computer!

To start you must have an original Microsoft or Dell OEM CD of Windows XP Pro that says includes Service Pack 2 or Service Pack 3. Note that Windows XP CDs with no Service pack or Service Pack 1 will not work, neither will CDs that have been created with a service pack slipstreamed into the CD while being burnt

On a separate computer download the Intel Matrix Storage Manager Driver
http://support.dell.com/support/downloads/download.aspx?c=us&l=en&s=gen&releaseid=R173412&SystemID=PRE_T3400&servicetag=&os=WLH&osl=en&deviceid=16825&devlib=0&typecnt=0&vercnt=1&catid=-1&impid=-1&formatcnt=1&libid=41&fileid=235720

Alternately go to http://support.dell.com/
Choose Drivers and downloads
Choose Desktop
Choose Precision
Choose T3400
Confirm
Change the OS selection to XP Professional & wait for the screen to update
Go to SATA Drives (3) group
Pick Intel Driver, Matrix Storage Manager (OS Preinstallation Driver Only)
Download from there

Run the file that you download, when it runs it will prompt you to specify where the files should go, tell it go a floppy disk by typing A:\ into the path field

Turn on your Precision T3400
Press F2 to go into the bios/setup
In the bios menu expand the Drives group
Go to the SATA operation field and press enter
Set the SATA operation mode to RAID ON
Save and exit the bios

NOTE UNLESS YOU SPECIFICALLY HAVE AN ORIGINAL DELL XP PRO CD THAT WAS THE EXACT PART NUMBER FOR SHIPPING WITH A T3400, SETTING THE SATA MODE FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN RAID ON WILL CAUSE FAILURE TO LOAD DUE TO THE DRIVERS THAT DELL PROVIDES ONLY PROPERLY WORKING WITH THE RAID ON.

You can make raid arrays on the reboot or you can just leave it, either way will work.

Make sure you have your OS CD in the Optical drive & let it start to boot from the Windows CD. When you see the first blue screen come up, tap the F6 key repeatedly several times (you will see a prompt at the bottom of the screen that says Press F6 to specify additional storage devices)

Windows will start to load then when it stops it will ask you to press S to specify an additional device, make sure the floppy with the drivers is in the diskette drive, then press s
From the menu that comes up, highlight: INTEL (R) ICH8R/ICH9R SATA Raid Controller (Desktop/Server/Workstation) then press enter, it will ask you to confirm and press enter again. Windows will then proceed to continue loading as normal & you will be able to specify the hard drive to install the OS to as normal.
After Windows Formats the drive & does the initial copy of files, make sure to remove the floppy while the system reboots

Once the OS Is loaded you will need some additional drivers, you should download these on a different computer & put them on a CD or a USB Portable Memory Key

Visit:

http://support.dell.com/support/downloads/driverslist.aspx?os=WW1&osl=EN&catid=-1&impid=-1&servicetag=&SystemID=PRE_T3400&hidos=WLH&hidlang=en&TabIndex=

and make sure to change the OS to Windows XP Professional
or
Alternately go to http://support.dell.com/
Choose Drivers and downloads
Choose Desktop
Choose Precision
Choose T3400
Confirm
Change the OS selection to XP Professional & wait for the screen to update

Under: Chipset (1)
there is one Intel chipset driver, you will need to run this file, let it expand on the target system & let it install (Save it only on the separate computer so you can copy it to the target computer & then run and install)

Under: Network (3)
there is Broadcom – Driver Applies to: 57xx Gigabit Integrated Controller you will need to run this file, let it expand on the target system & let it install (Save it only on the separate computer so you can copy it to the target computer & then run and install)

Under: Audio (2)
There is Analog Devices – Driver Applies to ADI 198x Integrated HD Audio you will need to run this file, let it expand on the target system & let it install (Save it only on the separate computer so you can copy it to the target computer & then run and install)

Finally load the drivers for your video card by visiting the video card chipset manufacturers web site
For example
http://www.nvidia.com/Download/index.aspx?lang=en-us

your system has the Quadro NVS 290 or one of the Geforce 9800 GTX+ / GT280 and such

or

http://ati.amd.com/support/driver.html

2008-11-12T10:36:00.000-06:00

When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said 'oh, two or three.' And she wonders why her marriage didn't work. - Josie Long

The Pizza...Girl

2006-09-25T09:32:00.001-05:00

We decided to order some Papa John's goodness (or not) and so I placed a convenient order online. I walked back in the living room and get:

"Did you order chicken strips?"
"No one said anything about chicken."
"Well, you should always order chicken strips."
"Okay"

Five minutes later having added chicken strips to the order I go back to wait. After about 35 minutes the doorbell rings. It's the pizza...girl.

"Hi, here's your order."
"Thanks. That's only one box."
"Um yeah, you ordered chicken strips?"
"Yes. And Pizza and Cheese Sticks."
"Um, okay let me check"

One phone call later

"Well, it seems they rang the two orders seperately and the pizza and cheese sticks are still on the counter."
"Okay."
"Shall I get them?"
"That would be nice."

20 minutes later

"Here we go. Sorry about that."
"No problem. Thanks!"
"Sure. Um...if you don't mind me asking you are those real?"
"Hmmmm, you mean my tits?"
*pizza girl grinning*
"Ha, well actually they are after-market, truth be told."
"Oh. Well mine are too, but yours are just beautiful, just perfect."
"Well thank you."
"Sure. Have a nice day."
"Yeah, you too."

I bring the pizza in and set it down.

"Here's the pizza at long last. It's most likely cold."
"Did you know her?"
"Who?"
"The pizza girl"
"No, why?"
"Well you two were talking for so long."
"Oh, that. Yeah she was complementing me on my intelligence."
"Really? How could she tell that?"
"I dunno."

Random Things

2006-08-30T09:52:00.000-05:00

Speaking of hurricanes I was telling my unbelieving son the other day about the typhoon's we had when I was a kid living in Asia. "When I was your age...." There was this one time in Hong Kong when typhoon Ellen hit and we were living on Lantau island. A freighter had gotten caught at sea when Ellen came in, the ship ran it's engines full speed and dragging all four heavy anchors, still ran aground and was listing badly. During the eye of the storm we headed down to the beach to see this phenomenon. When we stood at the base of the ship on the beach and looked straight up you couldn't see the sky. My mum took a lot of pictures, and as a kid I remember it being very exciting and strange that mother nature could do battle against such a metal monster and win. Of course my son did not believe my "tall tale" so I went about finding proof. I wasted a good hour or so yesterday searching the web for pictures as I could not conceivably get the ones my mum had and while I found plenty of mention of ships ran aground at Lantau during Ellen, I couldn't figure out which one was "ours" or find pictures.

Hmmm.

And then

2006-07-31T14:59:00.000-05:00

I am busy this morning trying to acquaint one of my customers with fiber pass-through for a blade server and I get a text message from my mum in Lebanon (still)

"we are all fine, having a quiet day to morn for Qana and help with the aftermath. lots of love."

I don't know what to say or think or feel about this. My mum and the kids have no ties to this country by heritage, birth, blood, descent or any other except for my mum's decision to go there and now to stay there and "help". Well my little sisters and brother will certainly have some interesting chapters to add to my book if and when they grow up.

The Heat Be Too Much

2006-07-27T10:52:00.000-05:00

ARRRRGGG!

Ring Ring

Me: How can I help you?
Clueless User: I was calling about a computer I bought from you that I don't think is working.
Me: Well I am sorry to hear that, how can I help you?
Clueless User: Yes. I'm sorry but what was your name?

When a clueless user asks for your name my experience has been that no good thing can come of it, so I say quite smoothly if not entirely truthfully

Me: My name is Bob
Clueless User: Bob: Ha. Bob, huh? You don't sound much like a Bob to me.
Me: Alrighty then, you may call me Bobby.
Clueless User: Bobby. That must be short for Roberta. So your name is Roberta?
Me: Sure. You got me there.
Clueless User: Okay Roberta, my name is Mike.
Me: So Mike. You were saying you have a problem with a computer. Since you called it a computer I am going to assume it was a desktop PC like say a GX280?
Clueless User: Exactly, how did you know? Are they problematic?
Me: No, just the users
Clueless User: I'm Sorry?
Me: That's okay. So tell me a little about the problem then.

Gentle reader I will spare you the brain numbing conversation that followed here suffice it to say after about 15 minutes I had determined that this was one of the do it yourself deals we sell for people who want to build their own PCs and already have everything except a motherboard and case, fan, power supply, etc

Me: Okay now we know what you have, so what happens after you install all your own components and power it on.
Clueless User: Nothing
Me: Alright, no lights or anything?
Clueless User: Well there is a yellow light on the motherboard
Me: Amber.
Clueless User: Sorry?
Me: A trifling matter, don't worry. So besides the amber light is there any beeping?
Clueless User: No
Me: Was the heatsink reattached properly?
Clueless User: Well it was already attached, should I take it off
Me: Wait so how did you install the CPU without removing the heatsink I am so curious?
Clueless User: Well I thought I would just try with the one that came with it
Me: Could you look at your invoice real quickly for me, at the top where it says in capital letters "PLEASE NOTE THIS DO-IT-YOURSELF PC DOES NOT COME WITH THE FOLLOWING:"
Clueless User: Um "memory, CPU, hard drive and CD-ROM". Um okay. I knew that, but I figured since the heatsink was screwed down it was already installed. Don't you think that is kinda misleading?
Me: Well let's do a little exploration of that shall we. Could you remove the heatsink for me, you need a Philip's head and the two screws are on either side as I am sure you can see.

Five Minutes Later

Clueless User: Um okay I think I've got it off.
Me: Now do you see what the heatsink is made of
Clueless User: Copper I think and maybe aluminum?
Me: You would be correct and it has some sharp corners maybe and weighs about a pound perhaps?
Clueless User: Sure?
Me: Do what do you suppose would happen to the motherboard if the manufacturer shipped this with the heatsink not screwed down, just say lying loose in the case?
Clueless User: Well I can imagine I guess.
Me: Okay so moving on, let's get your CPU installed because I am pretty sure that might just be the problem. So go ahead and install your CPU
Clueless User: You mean put it in?
Me: Ur
Clueless User: Ok. I took the heatsink off and put in the CPU in and I am powering it on...and...ah ha! It's not the CPU! The screen flickered, but then it just died. The yellow light is flashing
Me: Okay. Did you put the heatsink back on?
Clueless User: Why does that matter?
Me: DO IT!!!
Clueless User: Okay Okay. You know I just don't know that much about PCs.
Me: Verified. Is it on now?
Clueless User: Yes, I've powered it up again. WHOOOHOO. Looks like we have life, it's booting and.....um....it died again.
Me: Did you happen to put any heatsink compound on the CPU?
Clueless User: What's that.

Now I have a desk imprint on my forehead from repeatedly banging my head against my desk.

Me: In the little syringe looking applicator, just apply a little to the heatsink or the CPU
Clueless User: Okay. Now what?
Me: Put the Heatsink back on and turn your computer on.
Clueless User: Nothing...ur wait... I forgot to put the CPU back in, hang on a sec.
Me: WHAT? Why did you take the CPU out....okay hang on, don't do anything yet we need to clean off the
Clueless User: Ok, don't worry I've got it back in and I'm powering it on...
Me: Noooooooooooooooo
Clueless User: Um it just shut itself down.
Me: Well now you've gone and filled the CPU socket with silicone...damn it!
Clueless User: Now now Roberta, you TOLD me to put the stuff on there remember?
Me: Um. Look. Mike was it? I'm gonna have to call you back okay?
Clueless User: Wait I....

Click

On a lighter note: Happy Half Naked Thursday!!

Now you know....

2006-07-10T12:19:00.000-05:00

This weekend I was studiously applying myself to the spot-on-the-couch-perfectly-contoured-to-my-ass project that I have been spending so much time on as of late when I hear Hoss sing out my name from the vicinity of my office. The only time he calls me by my actual name is when I am in trouble, so of course my ears perk up.

"What's up, baby?" I try mildly.
"We need to talk." he spits.
"Sure, what would you like to talk about?" I venture.

He holds up firmly gripped in his fist a plastic Ziploc bag of silicone compound applicators filled with heatsink compound and some chempad wipes and says fiercely

"You mind telling me what this is."
"Baby" I start trying not to burst out laughing since he looks like he is holding back tears.
"Do you mean to tell me that you bought that University Of Florida B.S.E.E off the internet?"
"I don't get it" he says looking confused.
"Don't you have Electrical Engineering/Computer Engineering Degrees?"
"Of course, I don't see what this has to do with anything."
"Well I thought with so illustrious an education as you, one would be able to answer one's own question with regards to the nature of those items!"
He looks confused and not hardly amused
I pull the bag out of his hand and hold it in front of his face.
"You tell me what this is baby. Go on venture a guess."
"Um"
"Here, let me help you." I am laughing outright now as I pull one out of the bag and remove the cap, squeeze a little grey mess onto the back of his hand and smear it around for good measure.
"Um. Heatsink compound?" He looks a little deflated
"Very good, Senior Software Architect, sir. Now when you wish to remove this said heatsink compound you can use one of these little wipey things here..." I say tearing one open.
"Quite handy really. Here you go." handing him one.
"Ok. Fine. Sorry I just thought...."
"What that I was shooting silicone compound?"
"Well. I. Um. Sorry."
"That's okay baby."
I kiss him and skip out of my office to resume the project.

Can someone explain....

2006-06-29T11:44:00.000-05:00

The seat up/seat down thing? Seriously I know a good many couples who have fought over this issue and it seems to always be brought up as an example of poor male house training, but from the perspective of equality and all, why are men expected to put it down and women are not expected to put it up. I have always assumed it was a aesthetic issue, but recently overheard arguments lead me to believe there is more to this issue than aesthetics.

At any rate, in my office where I happen to be the only chicka and there is a shared restroom since they decided to turn the women's room into a studio, me being the only one of my kind and I guess not deserving of my own, etc, I have never minded having to kick the seat down, but won't go so far as to put it back up again. What I do mind however is the obviously lack of accuracy my co-workers seem to posses, you know. Now that, my friends, is a problem.

Hmmm, curious minds wish to know.

2006-06-23T13:42:00.000-05:00

I was feeling a wee bit fiesty myownself today when I got a most delicious call at work.

Ring-Ring
Me: How can I help you?
The Thing: Um I was calling about something I um saw on your website. Is there someone there who can help me with it?
Me: Sure. What can I help you with?
The Thing: I need to talk with someone technical who can help me with a server question.
Me: Okay sure, what can I help you with?
The Thing: Um, you can help me with a server question?
Me: Yes
The Thing: Oh. Okay.........um.......
Me: You were saying you had a server question?
The Thing: Yes. I was wondering about the DELL PowerEdge 7150 you have listed.
Me: Oh, ha. The Itanium I server. I didn't know we still had those listed. So I guess you were looking for an expensive way to heat your office in winter then, hey?
The Thing: Excuse me?
Me: Oh it was a joke. Righty then what would you like to know.
The Thing: Well I just got these four Intel Pentium D CPUs for about $100 and was looking for a quad processor box that I could put them in without breaking the bank.
Me: I see, that was a great price you got on those CPUs, one of those falling off the back of a truck deals I should think. But at any rate, you can't use them in the PowerEdge 7150 Itanium server. Sorry.
The Thing: Well why not?
Me: Because it uses Itanium I processors.
The Thing: Well can't you just sell me a new motherboard then with the server. Come on I am trying to give you a sale here.
Me: Yes, and I appreciate your efforts certainly, but it's not just a matter of replacing the motherboard. First of all the motherboard alone to support these CPUs is more than the cost of the whole server loaded with four Itanium CPUs, hard drives and eight gigs of memory (although what OS you plan on running on it beats be - RedHat 64-bit maybe?). But that aside, you also would need a whole slew of things such as backplanes, power supplies, new components for your motherboard, etc all of which would have to try to work inside this 7150. It just doesn't make much sense.
The Thing: I see. Then you can just replace the sockets on the motherboard I am sure.
Me: No
The Thing: Why not.
Me: Are you an electrical engineer? If not, and even if you are, I do not recommend such an attempt.
The Thing: Well that's where you could help me.
Me: I don't think so.
The Thing: Well just a minute ago you were saying you could give me technical help with a server, now you're saying you can't
Me: Sir, this is just not something we would do or advise, nor do I think anyone except maybe the Computer Sciences Lab at MIT would suggest it being a worthy enterprise.
The Thing: So you're saying that you cannot use these CPUs on an Itanium system and you cannot modify this Itanium system to work with them, because I am pretty sure it is possible.
Me: Well maybe it is also possible to convert a deep freezer into a high-performance sports car, but you know when your icebucket on wheels blows up in the middle of the freeway, you'll be asking yourself whether that was such a good idea.
The Thing: I think you are just being difficult and don't know what you are talking about. I want to talk to your supervisor right now and don't give me any of that "He's out to lunch" stuff.

I smile a truly happy smile as I say "Absolutely sir, I am sure he will be most delighted to speak with you. Hang on just a sec.

My manager has been listening to the conversation more and more intently and as I swivel in my chair smiling and stand up saying "I'll get him for you right now" my manager starts vigrously shaking his head and reaching for his keys as if to bolt out the door.

I have placed The Thing on hold, however as I stand my cordless phone goes crashing to the ground and breaks apart in a hundred peices. Looking at the parts on the floor I shake my head and say, "Oh well you bloody fucking idiot!"

My manager starts laughing and the office phone rings again. I just shrug at my manager and nod to the corpse of my phone. He grudgingly picks up the line.

He: How can I help you
The Thing: I wanted to talk to a supervisor please.
He: How can I help you.
The Thing: You are a supervisor? A real supervisor?
He: Yes sir, I am THE supervisor. Now how can I help you?
The Thing: Well I was just talking to an employee there....
He: Yes?
The Thing: Well I don't know her name....
He: Oh you mean Suzanne?
The Thing: I suppose, what makes you think it was Suzanne is she bad with customers?
He: No, but she's the only "she" here. Unless you were talking to Bill they sometimes think Bill is a girl on the phone on account of his high pitched voice. Was it Bill or was it Suzanne
The Thing: Um...I am pretty sure it was a female.
He: Well then, Suzanne it is. Were you wanting to speak with her. Or maybe you had some other interest in her, I can assure you she is certainly spoken for. (Here my manager is trying to keep a straight face and trying to shush me at the same time because I am laughing)
The Thing: No! Most certainly not. I just wanted to report that she was very unprofessional and discourtous to me. In fact I asked to speak to you and she slammed the phone down and called me a bloody idiot before hanging up on me. Hardly the kind of employee I should think you want working for you.
He: Ah. Not to quibble with you sir, but I think she actually called you a bloody fucking idiot to be precise. But I am not sure if it was you or her phone that she was talking to, either way, what can I help you with?
The Thing: Well I had a question about a server that I saw on your website.
He: Oh. Well I am sorry for that sir, I am afraid we no longer sell servers.
The Thing: What! I see at least a hundred different servers types on your website.
He: Well I am sorry sir I am afraid that was before, but now we do not sell servers at all.
The Thing: What! I do not believe this.
He: Yes unbelievable as it may be. Now I must thank you for calling, but I must be going now, I am scheduled to be "out to lunch".

And he hangs up and we're both laughing. And it was a good day.

Turns out the world is.....FLAT!

2006-06-23T10:48:00.000-05:00

But gentle readers, don't be alarmed.

A friend who used to read my blog when I was keeping up with it recently berated me:

"You never post anymore. What's up with that? Have you fallen off the face of the earth?"
"Well, yes as a matter of fact! I mean who knew it was flat? I had no warning, can't be helped."

At any rate. I'm back. And will be tomorrow. With witty and scathing remarks. You'll all be sorry then! Sorry got a little carried away.

Felix The Cat Under House Arrest

2006-03-29T11:51:00.000-06:00

By this time you may have heard the news. I alluded in my previous post to the dangers of those cute little kitties, but this is truly shocking!

The AP reports today on the fear that has set into the residents of Sunset Circle, CT, having been recently terrorized by a crazy cat, Lewis by name. Authorities have responded apparently after the Felix-esque cat reportedly attacked at least half a dozen people including The AVON Lady, by placing a restraining order on said cat effectively placing him under house arrest and thereby, it is hoped, ending his reign of terror.

You can see the report here.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

2006-03-13T11:10:00.000-06:00

In these days of greater equality us women can thank our lucky heels for the shifting gender roles bringing us the freedom to be Mrs. Moneypenny rather than having to go a-looking for Mr Moneybags. One thing for sure is to be said for living in the Big D that great Babylon, home to those well schooled in the ancient endangered art known as "gold digging". I believe I am fairly well assured of a hearty "Amen" from all quarters when I say there is an abundance of 'that type of girl' calling Dallas home. The sordid truth is they don't just live here. No, Dallas, my good friends has been breeding them for quite some time now. More on that later.

There is a very nice teacher with a very nice husband who I know. At a party some time ago I had been talking to Mrs Teacher while Hoss chatted up Mr. Teacher. Mr Teacher did not particularly care for Mrs. Teacher's outfit or pretty wooden beads which he couldn't quite understand the purpose of. A few light hearted jokes were made here and there by Mr. Teacher and well humored by the longsuffering Mrs Teacher. As the evening progressed towards general stupidity for some reason much started to be made of Mrs. Teacher's rather teacherific clothing and Mr. Teacher teetering on the brink of drunkenness yells out "Ah ha! I've got it! All this time I have been trying to figure those things out and I just realized. They're ANAL BEADS!" With time this became an oft repeated inside joke.

The other day an acquaintance of mine who is certainly "that type of girl" and who has often tried to no avail to school me in the ways of gold digging, called me up out of the blue since her latest "Well Paying Job" had done something to piss her off she was taking the American Express to Neiman Marcus for some good old retail therapy. Would I like to come?

Perched on her Chanel shoes as she was with her quilted Chanel Purse and dangling Chanel earrings, she presented quite a ridiculous picture to me. There are those who can be stylish and those who are not, but how they try. It occurred to me that she looked like an extremely high priced sort of girl and I pondered this foolishness which started to bubble up in my head. Suddenly "Aren't these just FABULOUS!" she exclaimed half to me and half to the cooing saleswoman. Lo and behold she was stroking some ridiculously priced glass Chanel beads. Before I could stop her that wicked little foolish devil in me bust out with "Oh Ha! Oh my. Would you know it? Who knew Chanel made anal beads!" the shock and horror on their faces should have slapped the silly out of me, but mercy I was on a role now, could not stop laughing even as the beads were snatched away and that girl led me laughing from the counter, out of the store.

I haven't heard from her since. But thank you, Chanel call girl Barbie. I'm still laughing.

I'm no Joyce Kilmer

2006-03-01T12:26:00.000-06:00

I think that I shall never see
Along the road an unscraped tree

Bark intact, painted white
Which no car has hit at night

For every tree along the road
Has caused some auto to be towed

A tree that may in summer bear
Imprint of bumpers everywhere

Poems are made by gods like me
Only a fool would hit a tree.

"You Talking To Me?!"

2006-02-24T09:50:00.000-06:00

It had been a long time since the girls had gone out. We decided it was high-time. In the absence of ample time we decided we would make a fairly short night of it last night and do dinner/drinks. The three of us had a great dinner, much laughter and inappropriate conversation. After we had a little time, but not much so we decided to get a drink and watch the cover band play. I was standing in the back watching the band and alternately the desperate and terrifically funny intoxicated people when this guy comes up and puts his arm around my shoulders.

"HI THERE! I nothisted you befforre." he breathed alcohol into my space
"Um."
"Well then."
"Uh huh?
"Well aren't you the stuchk in the muuudddd."
"Why thank you. And aren't you the mud we're stuck in"
"So woooood yous like to dance?"

I removed his arm from my shoulders and stepped away from him.

"Fine then! You are noth at all nice like your f-f-friend."
"Well, that's because it's it's her job to be nice, and get us free drinks."

As he slunk off in search of his next victim, I was thinking that couldn't be a half bad thing. To be the stick in the mud. Certainly beats being the mud.

Thanks girls for a fun night, we have to do it again soon. And thanks, Suzy, for the free drinks, you are a better man than I, that's for sure.

Yu Dongyue Released

2006-02-23T13:40:00.000-06:00

The AP reports today on Yu Dongyue's release from prison.

While most people may not even remember the Tiananmen Square protests and subsequent massacre and punishment of dissidents, I was a young teen living on the Chinese peninsula (then a Portuguese colony) of Macau. I very clearly remember the tremendous fear among the Chinese residents and the extensive news coverage for an event that I remember seemed as traumatic to them then as 9/11 was to American's now. I remember the lists with photos of missing that were posted in the papers daily and in the weeks that followed the massacre the list grew tremendously as the Chinese government sought to clean up, going so far as to attempt to abduct from Hong Kong and Macau those who had managed to flee. At that time, the Chinese being as morbid as they were, I remember people would wear these arm and head bands dipped and scrawled on allegedly with the blood of the dying students. Wearing them was supposed to show support for the students, but at any rate the idea struck me as horrifying.

As a kid with an already vivid imagination, those times, TV and newspaper reports and images, and the mood that permeated the population of the islands made a deep and lasting impression on me and led me to form my belief of the inherent evil of such a regime and such an ideology.

At any rate, back to Yu Dongyue's release. Yu was one of the three men who three paint on Mao Zedong's portrait in Beijing's Tiananmen Square. He was convicted of "counterrevolutionary destruction and counterrevolutionary incitement" The court also charged that he had hung a "reactionary slogans" poster on the gate where the portrait hangs and he was sentenced to 20-years of prison (read torture and solitary confinement). He was released after 17 years having gotten a sentence reduction in the year 2000.

Creator Finally Admits Design Flaws

2006-02-22T14:09:00.000-06:00

September 12, 2002

After what seemed like an eternity, God has finally broken the silence on what has long been regarded by many as a series of mistakes in the design of Human 2.0.

"Human 1.0 was really a crude implementation of all that had been envisioned." God was quoted as saying. Adding, "With version 2.0 we were going for a more feature-rich application built on the bare-bones (actually just one) of version 1.0"

Although we couldn't get any specifics in the interview, apparently many years of exhaustive live-senario testing has confirmed numerous feature functionality conflicts when operating in a network enviroment, or as a stand-alone system.

One Human 1.0 user, frustrated by his efforts to interface with a version 2.0 with whom he has been linked these 20-odd years commented, "You can't just cram that many features into this thing and not expect there to be problems and logic errors."

An angry version 2.0 upon hearing these remarks, retorted that the real problem lies version 1.0. She also made comparisons to swine "just like all [version 1.0 systems] are! He doesn't know his [input device] from his [output device]!"

As of press time, there is still no plans to implement a new version.

Does this one's ego know no end?

2006-02-15T21:48:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day has become a sort of studiously avoided non-event with us. Too much coherced affection for our liking or some such. At any rate, on the day after the day before there was a discussion of the poor sots who have to do so much on V-Day to prove their love is still a brightly burnished lamp burning more brilliantly than all other fires in the office or what have you. The discussion careened periously close to our own lack of celebration and a pre-emptive statement was made. He says "Well, I for one made dinner and desert (chocolate chip cookies) and rented a movie. I even had sex with you."

Yessireebob.

Well if I had of known all this trouble was had just on my behalf, I certainly would have more fully taken advantage of this special dispensation of kindness.

At any rate, the other day I was sitting in ChuckECheese minding my and everyone else's business. As I sat at a table trying to form a small barrier to protect myself from the shockwave created by so many yelling sugared-enhanced children a male hand reaches in front of me to hand me a small business card sized greeting which read:

Thank you for being the bouquet of flowers in our day

Your gorgeous looks, lovely smile, bubbly laughter and exuberant cheerfulness brightens our day.

First, dear readers in all truthfulness I for one have never been accused prior to this incident of either "bubbly laughter" nor "exuberant cheerfulness". At any rate, I pondered this happenstance as I fingered the card. Two facts stuck out in my mind. One, the card was too big to have come from the inside of a fortune cookie and two, it was printed. Yes PRINTED. Not handwritten, but printed, as in probably, en-mass. So what to make of this. I suppose I should have been flattered, but I could not help but wonder what sort of person goes around handing out such cards to women he doesn't know. Surely it is not something that was printed up by the fine folks at ChuckECheese which this fellow patron no longer had any use for and was merely passing on to another. No this individual had to have made it a habit to carry and dispense of such a card when such an occasion should arise to his liking. Hmmmm.

Oh well, thank you serial complementor whomever you may be. Lord knows I needed something to pick my teeth with.

The Velveteen Rabbit

2006-02-08T11:01:00.000-06:00

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Truth: A bully we all pretend to like

2006-01-30T21:37:00.000-06:00

Some loves are like that. Most loves are like that, from what I can see. Your heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and your independence. After awhile you start throwing people out - your friends, everyone you used to know. And it's not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking and you know it's going to take you down with it....I think that's why I am sick of love.

Gregory David Roberts